This book is a memoir of Aran Kei’s time as a member of Takarazuka, as well as her post-Takarazuka career and memories of her childhood. It was published in 2010 to commemorate the 20th year of her stage career. It also features messages from Takarazuka classmates and other colleagues and theatre artists she has worked with.
Paragraph breaks have been added to make it more readable in English.
A happy “normal life”; but in the end still an otokoyaku once in a while?
In Takarazuka, in order to keep up my otokoyaku image, even in my offstage life I couldn’t wear skirts, and I couldn’t have an ‘ordinary’ life where I did things like buy my own day to day necessities at the supermarket. Apparently once someone had a fan call out to them while they were out to buy toilet paper, and she panicked and responded by calling them by one of her classmates’ names (LOL).
People from my fan club would kindly arrange for cars to take me to the theatre and back, so there was always a conflict between my feelings of gratitude and my desire for more freedom. I didn’t want to lose awareness of the common sense needed to live in the outside world due to the lengths I was going to to uphold the rules of Takarazuka. Though I understand it was necessary to become a top-class member of Takarazuka, I think I must have felt constrained by the fact that every day’s schedule was laid out for me.
But after my retirement, I was freed from all sorts of requirements, and now I go back and forth from rehearsal by train. I don’t have a car in Tokyo, and the train stations are closer so it’s easier to take the train. I hadn’t done ‘ordinary things’ for years, so at first I didn’t even know how to buy tickets. But now I’ve gotten to the point where I can easily navigate the complicated Tokyo train lines, PASMO in hand, looking up the transfers on my phone.
My preferred fashion style is simple. Thinking back, even while I was in Takarazuka I didn’t often put together ‘Takarazuka-style’ ensembles to wear. In Takarazuka, there are several clothing brands where you know you won’t go wrong style-wise if you wear them, so, while I never experienced this, apparently there have been times where senior and junior actresses ended up wearing the same clothes to a party.
Recently I’ve also been going with all my fellow cast members to tiny bars, the kind that are popular with students. While I was in Takarazuka we didn’t really have large group closing cast parties–generally we would just have a meal in someone’s apartment–so this kind of carefree atmosphere is fun to me. Also, while I hold back during a performance run, in my private time I’ll drink heartily now. I don’t like whisky or brandy, but I like beer, champagne and wine, soju and sake. I get more cheerful when I drink, so I think I’m a fun drunk, probably (LOL).
When I was an otokoyaku even my emotions became very ‘manly’, so even when I got offstage I naturally had a very ‘ladies first’ attitude. I felt like I had to protect the musumeyaku, and even though I’m not a very decisive person, there were a lot of situations in which I had to make important decisions. So not just my way of movement or walking, but my personality became manly as well.
Now I don’t have to make myself like that any more, so that’s a relief. However, although I think I’ve become properly actress-like on stage by now, in my private life that otokoyaku side slips out once in a while. When I’m going to a restaurant with my castmates, even though I don’t know where we’re going I’ll walk in front of everyone and end up leading them along; that kind of thing happens a lot.
While I was in Takarazuka there wasn’t time for romance at all, and I felt like having a love affair as a woman would be bad for me as an otokoyaku. Takarazuka fans are practically all women, and they will pick up on even the slightest change. I have experience with being popular with women, but as for being popular with men, I wish somebody would tell me how to do that.
I think the reason men don’t approach me even though I would totally welcome them might be because the manliness I haven’t completely shed wards them off (LOL). I’m fine with putting my arms around my castmates’ shoulders, or hugging, but I don’t like showing my weak side to others. I’m bad at changing how I come off to other people, so I’ve been told I put up a shell sometimes. But as part of my ‘plan to learn how to love myself’ I’m trying to be fond of that part of my personality also (LOL).
When I like someone, a lot of the time I think “Oh? I didn’t think that sort of person was my type at all, but…” No matter how old I get, I don’t think I’ll ever understand that feeling of liking someone. I’ve been thinking about things like that, walking around outside, riding trains, going shopping…I wanted to try having a ‘normal’ life when I retired, so I’m enjoying having that wish come true right now.
Translators’ note: Aran is still single, but currently has 2 Russian Blue cats named Ten and Kuu.