English translation of lyrics from the Takarazuka production of the Off-Broadway musical.

Lady Bracknell:
The thing I find suspicious is the matter of
Your birth, your birth!
The thing I can’t overlook is the circumstances of
Your upbringing, your upbringing!

As a woman with
A proper sense of morals
As her mother
I cannot permit this!

That’s right, a handbag
Can’t be called a mother!
It’s not a mother!

Jack:
I beg of you,
Please calm down and think about it!

Lady Bracknell:
Then find yourself a mother at once!

A cloakroom
Can’t be called a father!
It’s not a father!

Jack:
I beg of you,
Please calm down and think about it!

Lady Bracknell:
Then find yourself a father at once!

Jack:
Please, won’t you think it over?

Lady Bracknell:
No! Certainly not!

Jack:
But what about your daughter’s feelings?

Lady Bracknell:
I won’t permit her marriage!

Jack:
Never?

Lady Bracknell:
Certainly not! At least to you!

That’s right, a handbag
Can’t be called a mother!
It’s not a mother!

Jack:
I can’t just discard
These passionate feelings!

Lady Bracknell:
First find a mother!
First find a father! Then come back!

She could have any man
Of the proper wealth and station

If I consider my daughter’s happiness
I could never make compromises!
Your birth
Does not suit her

I cannot permit this!

That’s right, a handbag
Can’t be called a mother!
It’s not a mother!

Jack:
Oh! What if I said
I had a little brother!

Lady Bracknell:
A little brother is not a parent!

A cloakroom
Can’t be called a father!
It’s not a father!

Jack:
A father? A mother?
Which?

Lady Bracknell:
I don’t care which!

Jack:
Could you be a little less stubborn?

Lady Bracknell:
I shan’t!

Jack:
Just listen for a moment!

Lady Bracknell:
I must protect my daughter’s happiness
For I am
A mother!

That’s right, a handbag
Can’t be called a mother!
It’s not a mother!

Jack:
I can’t just discard
These passionate feelings!

Lady Bracknell:
First find a mother!
First find a father!
Then come back!