Mori Keaki published this essay book the month before her retirement as Top Star of Snow Troupe. It is mainly a memoir of her personal journey in Takarazuka, as well as her early life. Her writing/formatting style is kind of unique, and I tried to reproduce or reflect it as much as possible. 120% Darling has around 24 chapters, and I plan to post one every Friday.

It’s a really lovely book, that ended up making me cry many times. I hope you enjoy it!

For a table of contents with links to all the chapters, go here.

Grandpa, thank you~ <3

Moving on a bit.

After becoming second supporting star, I had made many moving new ‘discoveries’, but.

Those barriers!!

They were still clinging on a bit.

What finally got rid of them was.

When I was given the role of Johann Brunner in Three Waltzes.

Strangely enough…

Mori Keaki…

Was going to play a little old man!!

Oh. And a rather rough-mannered old man, too…

When I first heard about it I thought “Huh~!? A grandpa!?”

The setup of Three Waltzes is such that the lead plays the protagonist, as well as his own son and then grandson. The story covers a very long span of time.

So, my role was.

A person who watched over all three generations, father, son, and grandson. I was the only ‘full-length role’; my character kept the same name and identity through the whole show. And, as time passed in the plot, I would be aging onstage…

In the end, I would be an 80-year-old grandpa!!

I ended up being rather stressed about this.

After all, Mori Keaki’s personal brand was that of a cool (?) second supporting otokoyaku star, so…

“But…me!? Playing a little old man…”

I heard of fans saying “I don’t want to see Mori Keaki-san looking like that!!”

“It will ruin the image of Mori Keaki as a handsome romantic guy.”

“She should refuse to do it.”

“She should just quit!”

A ton of people were totally against the whole thing.

But…

That was the role I was given.

I got the script.

I went into rehearsals.

And then…

Ah!

It was actually really simple.

I love acting, you see.

So I ended up enjoying playing that ‘grandpa’.

“I see it now! That’s it, that’s totally it!”

I didn’t feel like I had to worry about keeping up my handsome image at all.

Somehow I felt a lot of affection for myself as I was playing this 80-year-old man.

“That’s right. If I just try, I can do it.”

And doing it was really fun! It was so happy! So fulfilling!

I know I’m praising myself here, but playing that little old man made me much more aware of the fact I was an actor.

Before I am second supporting star, I am an actor, I felt.

The complaints hadn’t stopped by the time the show opened, but.

As for me.

“No matter what role I play, Mori Keaki is still Mori Keaki!”

I told them not to worry but to wait for the show.

“Playing a grandpa is really fun~!” I said.

So I brushed off those doubts that way.

Besides, it really was so much fun!

My determination of my junior student days that ‘I’m gonna be a real man!!’ was long gone by now.

I thought a lot about how the person called Johann Brunner would live, whether he would be like this or like that.

Whether the character was a man or a woman didn’t come into it at all. He was just a human…a person. I tried to fill in things that hadn’t been written in the script using my imagination.

I’ve always been the type to try to fully transform myself, after all.

As the days went on, I absorbed Brunner’s character more and more.

I felt if I could become him, I could naturally age the way he would have over the course of the story.

And once again, just like the prior examples (!!), while I was playing an old man, my back would ache, and my knees would ache, and my spine would get stiff…

But, after I was done performing as the little old man, in the finale I went back to being a handsome otokoyaku, why, nothing ached at all. I felt chipper and full of energy!! I felt like I could kick higher than ever!

I was a bit surprised at myself, honestly.

But I really loved being an ‘actor’, by nature.

Also…and here I am, singing my own praises again…the white wig I wore as an old man…really suited me, actually. The whiskers, too. Ahaha.

Once the show actually opened, the people who had been against it started saying “I wish I had a grandpa like that!” so I could feel comfortable about that front as well.

The role of an 80-year-old man, so much older than my genuine age…

There had never been anyone like that inside the barriers the real ‘Mori Keaki’ had been so desperately holding up for so long.

Somehow, as soon as I had fully transformed into him, ‘Grandpa Brunner’ said:

“Now, now, youngster. What on earth are you doing, shutting yourself away like this? What a waste! The world is so big! It’s so much fun! Why don’t you let yourself relax a bit?”

Smiling all the while.

He turned the ‘Off’ switch for Mori Keaki’s barriers.

That’s how I think about it.

This is also when I began to feel even more strongly, “It’s so wonderful to be an actor, isn’t it…”

After all, it gave me the opportunity to experience the lives of so many different people.

People from other countries than Japan.

From all different eras.

Of all different ages.

And, in the case of Takarazuka, men and women both!

But.

“Since it’s Takarazuka…”

Even as an 80-year-old man, I had to be beautiful!! I had to convey dreams!!

This situation reaffirmed that for me.

I suddenly recalled my time as a Ken-1 student, when I would ‘tail’ the neighborhood joggers (my father was a policeman, so I’m really familiar with all that jargon).

Back when my younger self believed ‘portraying reality is the most important thing!!’

“Well. Everyone has times like that.”

Mori Keaki had grown up enough to look back on that and smile.

On the Takarazuka stage.

First, be splendidly beautiful.

That is the most essential, non-negotiable thing. The foundation for everything…

And on top of that, in order to give a performance that moves the audience…

“My heart actually aches…My heart is actually cold…My heart is actually kind… To be an actor is to be in complete control of your own heart. If you are able to truly influence the hearts of those who watch you…then you can say ‘I can really act!’ for the first time, can’t you!?”

…after discovering this sort of thing, I was able to settle into the position ‘Mori Keaki’ held in Takarazuka.

Oh!! Or rather, maybe this is something Grandpa Brunner taught Mori Keaki, when she transformed into him?

Which is it!?

It doesn’t really matter to me either way. This one thing I know for sure, though.

Grandpa Brunner is Mori Keaki’s greatest patron.

I hope he continues to have a long life.

Thank you!! So!! much!!