Mori Keaki published this essay book the month before her retirement as Top Star of Snow Troupe. It is mainly a memoir of her personal journey in Takarazuka, as well as her early life. Her writing/formatting style is kind of unique, and I tried to reproduce or reflect it as much as possible.

It’s a really lovely book, that ended up making me cry many times. I hope you enjoy it!

For a table of contents with links to all the chapters, go here.

A kiss to the floor

My time as second supporting star felt so good, it was so fun…I spend the whole time totally carefree!! Well, even though I say that, it’s not as if I was slacking off and goofing around.

I had just let go of my tension!

Being honest here.

In the case of Takarazuka, of course the whole thing is designed around ‘the Top Star is #1!!’, but, a lot of time people will say ‘but isn’t the second supporting star position actually the best!?’

As second supporting star, of course in theory I knew about all the difficulties and responsibilities of the Top Star’s position, but in actuality, I didn’t have much sense of them.

So, the second supporting star gets all kinds of pretty costumes, and in the revue show they’re trading off different scenes with the Top Star a lot of the time, so you stand out a lot.

And sometimes you get the chance to play really unique roles that would never be given to the actual Top Star…Grandpa Brunner is a really good example of that.

And on top of that.

“Ah~ one day maybe I’ll be Top… I wonder when… I wonder what kind of shows I’ll get to do, what kind of roles…”

So I was spending the whole time very excited and daydreaming about the future.

It felt good.

It was so fun.

Totally carefree!

So, Mori Keaki had a very cheerful time as second supporting star, but…

Finally, the retirement of Snow Troupe’s Top Star of that time, Taira Michi, was announced.

“The next Top Star of Snow Troupe will be: Mori Keaki.”

“Next up…is…me… Aaaaah…~!”

But even once that was decided…

In my heart, I still felt like the second supporting star. Even if the people around me kept saying ‘You’re going to be the next Top!’, I didn’t feel like it was real at all. It all felt like something…so far away still…

I imagine that isn’t normally the state of mind for people who are ascending from the position of second supporting star to Top Star, but…

Yeah.

But! Of course, for Mori Keaki.

Once again, I moved from extreme to extreme!!

In a show called Gone with the Wind, I was in a double-cast arrangement with the Top Star, Taira Michi, so even though it would be for only 10 performances, I would take her lead role of Rhett Butler.

In other words, outside of those 10 shows, I would be playing Ashley Wilkes.

Rhett’s rival for Scarlett, who willfully married him despite their love-hate relationship, is Ashley. Compared to the rough and wild Rhett, Ashley is a softer type, a gentle young man who is used to a life of privilege…

The Top Star plays Rhett, of course. So, the second supporting star plays Ashley. That’s easy enough to follow, right?

But, I was lucky enough to get the chance to play Rhett Butler.

Even though it was only 10 performances, it was the lead!!

So, the first of those days.

Ah~, I remember how scary this was at the time.

My first entrance was through the lift.

On the lower level, my classmates and the junior students had all gathered to tell me ‘You can do it!’, but, once I was on the lift, I was totally alone!

I was struck by an immense feeling of loneliness.

Even though I had stood on that stage constantly for so long.

Even though it certainly wasn’t my first time ever using the lift alone.

Even though I had been totally fine in the same situation when I was playing Ashley…

In short, I was defeated by the idea of a ‘Lead Role’ for the Takarazuka Grand Theatre.

I felt so, so much pressure! Tons of pressure!!

It was nearly 3 hours before the finale ended, but to me it felt like I was only onstage for about 4 minutes.

That was how bewildering the experience was for me.

‘I’m so scared!’ I thought as I was going up on the lift, feeling that sort of ‘ultra special super nervousness’.

The spotlight was going to be right on me.

But, the one comforting thing my eyes lit on as I was gazing upward was…

The floor.

The floor of the stage.

This might sound silly, but I thought ‘this must be what it’s like to be a little baby mole peeking out into the sunlight for the first time from underground…’

Spreading out solidly as far as I could see.

Giving me a feeling of safety.

It let me believe, as long I was standing there, ‘I’ll be fine!’…

That was the floor.

And on the floor, the stage.

And stalwartly protecting the stage, is the theatre.

Although of course I had so many comrades.

“Mori Keaki is alone.”

I was only one person.

But the floor told me ‘You’ll be fine. You can stand here, don’t be nervous’…

That’s how it felt. ‘You’re not really alone’… ‘I’m here for you’…

The pressure I felt while on standby to go up the lift vanished.

Being able to experience what it was like to perform a lead role in the Grand Theatre while still second supporting star was a really valuable opportunity for me.

And discovering ‘The floor is watching over me!’ was also something that make me very happy.

After that I was really able to say that the Grand Theatre was ‘home’ to me.

Even with my eyes closed, I can find my way to center stage easily.

I can always breathe freely there.

Watching over me and letting me grow up…

Also, besides the Grand Theatre,

There’s the other theatre that can be considered ‘home territory’ for Takarasiennes: the Tokyo Takarazuka Theatre.

I got into the habit of throwing kisses to the floor of both theatres before the curtain went up for a performance.

‘Please take care of me today too!!’

You know…

Soon after that, I became Top Star of Snow Troupe.

And in March of the 5th year of the Heisei era¹, I will say farewell to my beloved Takarazuka at the Tokyo Takarazuka Theatre.

My days as Top Star were spent in ‘my home’, the Takarazuka Grand Theatre. And then, it turned out that the final performance of my farewell show would shut the door on the 68-year history of the Grand Theatre. I feel incredibly fortunate.

Also.

In January of the 5th year of the Heisei era, for the opening performance of the new Takarazuka Grand Theatre…

As a guest in that Star Troupe production.

I was able to stand on the floor of the new Takarazuka Grand Theatre, too.

This, also, is a really great blessing that filled me with immense emotions.

Although ‘my home’ was torn down and lost its physical form.

And countless Takarasiennes, just like me, must have considered the old Grand Theatre their ‘home’ too.

People’s memories will last forever, right!?

Adieu, Takarazuka Grand Theatre.

Thank you so much for watching over me as Top Star!!

And now, the floor of the new Takarazuka Grand Theatre,

Will support so many new students.

Even far, far into the future it will still be there…

And now. As for me.

In March, I’ll be throwing kisses every day to the floor of the Tokyo Grand Theatre, too!

1 – 1992 in Western reckoning.