Mori Keaki published this essay book the month before her retirement as Top Star of Snow Troupe. It is mainly a memoir of her personal journey in Takarazuka, as well as her early life. Her writing/formatting style is kind of unique, and I tried to reproduce or reflect it as much as possible. 120% Darling has around 24 chapters, and I plan to post one every Friday.
It’s a really lovely book, that ended up making me cry many times. I hope you enjoy it!
For a table of contents with links to all the chapters, go here.
Shock of depression, shock of happiness
After I joined Takarazuka…
I often will be asked during interviews,
“Huh? Ms. Mori. You’re from Sendai, right? Why did you come to Takarazuka for your entrance exam, instead of going to Tokyo?”
I can always see the reporters’ faces saying “Why would you come all the way to Kansai!?”
I answer,
“I wanted to see the inside of the Takarazuka Music School.”
Rather than thinking I would become a Takarazuka student, I had a stronger feeling of ‘I want to see what it’s like in the Takarazuka Music School for myself! I want to feel it!’
So.
“But what if I took the exam in Tokyo and failed in the first round!?” (From the second round on, everyone must come to Takarazuka for the exams)
It would be all over without my setting one foot inside the Takarazuka Music School!
And if I took the exam in Kansai, the examination venue would be the Takarazuka Music School even for the first round.
I still remember that feeling: “Even if I fail, I at least want to get inside once!”
That was why.
So, my sister and I, according to plan, stayed in the Hankyu Travel Hostel for the first round.
On the way there, I was full of confidence, and displayed all my usual optimism. “After all, I worked hard in all my lessons, so I’ll probably pass, right!”
I already felt like I was a Takarasienne!!
But my sister…
After all, she was more mature than I was at the time, of course (!?).
She wasn’t as excited as I was.
I only heard about this afterwards, but she had pinned all her hopes on my examination number, #423, and would get up every morning at 4:23 AM to pray for me (‘It became a habit so I ended up waking up at the same time the day after you passed!’ she said, and seemed really annoyed about it.)
Her cheerful sister hadn’t noticed any of that, and just went to take the exam.
To be honest, I was totally flustered about everything, but I cleared the first round.
And then came the second round.
In this round, everyone is tested on ballet and voice to a much higher level than the first round.
When I got to this point, I finally was able to relax just enough to look around me for the first time.
“Wow~ Everyone is so pretty!! They all sing and dance like pros!!”
And then,
I was so shocked by everything around me,
That during the vocal exam,
When it came to the ‘New Song’ portion (where I had to sing from sheet music I was given on the spot) I just…just…couldn’t get it, and after I tried again 9 times, they told me ‘That’s quite enough’…boo-hoo…
And in the ballet exam,
When I was supposed to bend to the side, the teacher overseeing the exam said ‘Is that as far as you can go?’ so I thought ‘Alright~!’ and bent wa~y over, but then the teacher scolded ‘If you could do that, you should have done it in the first place’…
In the interview exam,
The really famous Director Utsumi1 (I didn’t know anything at the time, and since I didn’t know I wasn’t afraid of anything either!!) said “So, are there actually have places where you can learn ballet and things in Sendai?” and I was So Offended that I took three steps forward from the line where I was supposed to be standing, and said:
“There are!! Sendai is a city!!”
With such an impolite attitude…
Oh…I shouldn’t have done that!! That was so bad!!
‘I failed…’ I thought. This would put even me and all my optimism down in the dumps!
And then the next day,
Was the final interview…
There was one student who made me think,
‘She’s definitely going to pass.’
This was the young lady right in front of me!
She was a real beauty, and she could raise her legs so high doing ballet…
We ended up getting on rather well.
When she came out of her interview,
I was standing there next in line with my heart pounding,
And she very kindly told me ‘By the way, they asked me about my hobbies and things~’
And then,
It was finally my turn.
The question the teacher overseeing the exam asked was.
“What is your father’s occupation? Where do they live currently? Have your parents given their agreement to this sort of profession?”
Nothing about me personally at all…
All the answers I had thought up were useless.
“Ah, yes!!”
I did my best to answer their questions, but…
When it ended.
And I left the examination room.
“Ah… I couldn’t do it at all…”
They had asked me totally different things from what she said.
……
So, because of that.
I ended up even more depressed than I had been the day before, and ended up in an even lower place.
And then the results day came.
“I’m fine without seeing the results presentation~. I’m happy that I was able to go inside the Music School. I’m satisfied with that!!”
To her stubbornly resistant younger sister…
My down-to-earth older sister said,
“Even if you did fail, let’s at least go and see the results presentation.”
By the way, the time of year when students enter the Takarazuka Music School is exactly when the cherry blossoms are at their fullest.
And at the time of the results presentation,
There was a shower of cherry blossoms as if to set the stage for all the joys and sorrows of my dream of Takarazuka…
As I was walking with my sister towards the Music School, somehow, I just stopped moving.
My feet…wouldn’t go any further.
You see, up ahead, young girls were returning with tears pouring down their faces like the falling cherry blossoms.
Actually,
That day, the two optimistic sisters had overslept, and didn’t make it to the results presentation on time. Ehehe… I’m sorry.
And so,
I just couldn’t move another step…
“Sister, you go look…” I said.
“Oh, you…” she said.
And then I watched from behind as my sister disappeared into the school courtyard.
Thump, thump, thump, my heart was pounding.
“I’ve had some pretty good signs ‘you didn’t make it!’… I’m already prepared for this!!”
I stubbornly tried not to give in.
Thump, thump, thump, thump.
I saw my sister running back…
Thump!
It felt like my heart had suddenly stopped….
“Your number is there~!!”
My sister was shouting.
She was waving her right arm above her head.
Her long hair was flying…
“It’s there!! It’s there!!”
My stopped heart,
Started racing.
“……”
My voice wouldn’t come!!
But I waved back to my sister with all my might…
I did it!!
My blood started pumping eagerly.
Thank you, sister.
Thank you, God.
But actually.
Thinking about it later…
That question during the interview.
When I thought about it carefully, I realized that they had actually asked me something incredibly valuable.
Asking about my family, which was far, far more important to me than hobbies or anything.
But I didn’t realize that at all, and ended up getting depressed.
Thinking about that now,
I was so young, and empty-headed, and so honest you could say it was stupid…
Surely, even the cherry blossoms in Takarazuka,
Must have laughed to see me…I think.
But, to tell the truth…
The cherry blossoms
That day.
I still remember them clearly.
They were so beautiful.
1 – Utsumi Shigenori was one of the most prominent playwrights and directors for Takarazuka in the 50s and 60s, and worked with the company until the late 1980s.