Mori Keaki published this essay book the month before her retirement as Top Star of Snow Troupe. It is mainly a memoir of her personal journey in Takarazuka, as well as her early life. Her writing/formatting style is kind of unique, and I tried to reproduce or reflect it as much as possible. 120% Darling has around 24 chapters, and I plan to post one every Friday.

It’s a really lovely book, that ended up making me cry many times. I hope you enjoy it!

For a table of contents with links to all the chapters, go here.

Totally numb in 7th place!

The Takarazuka Music School, if I had to explain what it is, is a ‘school’ that trains people to perform on the stage of ‘Takarazuka’, so of course, the contents of the classes are a lot different from standard high schools.

Subjects like math, English, physics, history, are to~tally absent.

You learn things like ballet and voice, piano, traditional dance, koto and shamisen, tap dance, acting, etc…

As for studying at a desk, about the only thing was Solfège, which the students would always call ‘On-Tsuu’¹.

In ballet class, we wore leotards. In traditional dance, kimono. In acting class, the sailor suit uniforms.

So, every day was really busy just getting changed for everything.

But despite all that,

“Your grades are important!”—

That part is the same as a normal high school.

“The ranking for this last exam is…”

Who moved up? Who moved down? We weren’t just concerned about ourselves but also everyone else, and I think that is the same too.

Also.

“I want to get good grades!”

Thinking that and then putting in huge amounts of effort is also, definitely, the same.

However…

In the case of the Takarazuka Music School, even if you think ‘I’m going to study by myself outside of class!’, you can’t just go out and buy reference books and workbooks and diligently work away at them by yourself.

Dance. Voice. Traditional dance.

That is to say, accomplishments that require training.

If you want to learn more about these things, it takes money (so much you can’t even compare it to the price of reference books!!).

In Takarazuka they call this ‘Independent Lessons’—among the Takarazuka Music School students, most girls will, after the classes end for the day, voluntarily give up their free time in order to go to lessons in ballet, or voice, or traditional dance.

The cost per month is huge, I think…

But, those girls who can get their parents to cover the fees will attend Independent Lessons!

It’s something like nowadays when elementary school students will go to cram school, I suppose.

This is a very good thing, I think… But, in the current situation, “if they’re going to cram school then I should go too…” although, I guess in this era it’s impossible to stop that reality.

Well, leaving that aside,

Since that was the school lifestyle, on Sundays, the three of us in the class who didn’t attend Independent Lessons would go to Osaka’s Umeda district, or Kobe’s San-no-Miya district, and wander around. We’d watch a movie, or go window shopping, and I have a lot of fun memories of…that…but.

As would be the natural result,

That difference showed up in our grades.

When I was in the Takarazuka Music School, I was always drifting somewhere in the middle of the pack, but…

The subjects I would score all my points on in exams were piano and “On-Tsuu”, which I had taken since I was little. And also, things like shamisen, that nobody really went to Independent Lessons for, and only started once they actually entered the Takarazuka Music School…

When it came to ballet and Traditional Dance, I was dead last. I never got a score that was higher than the average!

Therefore, the fact that I never thought ‘I’ve got to go to Independent Lessons!’ was…probably due to my natural optimism…

“I made it into the Music School!! I’ve been diligently working on everything they teach in the Music School classes. And these are the grades I got!! I’ve been doing everything I can! It can’t be helped…it’s nothing to be ashamed of~”

Thinking about it now, I feel like I was really trying to convince myself of this at the time.

Although, in the moment, I told myself it was a totally natural thing to think. (I’m laughing bitterly at myself again!!)

Eh…

So, let’s change the subject,

To the Takarazuka Music School 65th class’s final exam.

“You just have to hear this story!”

That is the story of the en pointe ballet exam.

I was never a star student to begin with, and that day I was in particularly bad shape as I had accidentally sprained my ankle the day before.

It was so bad that I thought, ‘Maybe I should tell the teacher that I can’t participate since I really can’t dance with my legs like this.’

And then, right before the test was about to start, Someone kicked my sprained ankle really hard.

My sprained, swollen ankle.

“Idiot!!”

She said.

And kicked.

To tell the truth, when the kick connected, it hurt so much that I saw stars dancing before my eyes.

I was wobbling around like I was on the receiving end of a slapstick gag. My head was ringing. Ah…somewhere I could smell the scent of roses…

Wow~ is this the world of dreams? <3 <3 <3

It hurt so much that I was tripping out and for a little while nothing else seemed to matter.

But,

The reality was that the final exam for graduation was just about to start.

I finally came to a bit.

‘Ah…things are just going from bad to worse…’

I thought, and tried touching my ankle.

But, but, but… I was so shocked!!

This was a real silver lining in a cloudy day!

God really is just!!

Alright, I need to get up my confidence and just say it.

Because of getting kicked, the nerves became even more numbed, and the pain of my sprained ankle vanished. I couldn’t feel anything at all; it was just as if I’d been given an anaesthetic injection.

‘Huh? What the heck is this!?’

Although it was really odd, since I couldn’t feel the pain of the sprain that had been bothering me so much until then, I was able to stand en pointe, and even twirl around and around for the grande fouettes.

Even though I had almost been absent from that exam, I was able to smile and perform cheerfully. And I got a better score than I had ever expected to receive.

Maybe that gave me a boost, but somehow, I was able to graduate in 7th place out of my class.

It sounds fake, but it’s all true.

But, I do have…

One regret…

Because of that, my ankle ended up really swollen…

I ended up with scary ‘Sally feet’²…

Up until now, I’ve only worn trousers, so I’ve been fine, but from now on… (Tears).

(But, my mother’s legs have always been like that!! Apparently)

Anyway, moving on!

1 – An abbreviation of the Japanese term.

2 – This is a reference to Sally the Witch, a Japanese anime character from the 60s drawn with very round legs and ankles