This book is a memoir of Aran Kei’s time as a member of Takarazuka, as well as her post-Takarazuka career and memories of her childhood. It was published in 2010 to commemorate the 20th year of her stage career. It also features messages from Takarazuka classmates and other colleagues and theatre artists she has worked with.
Paragraph breaks have been added to make it more readable in English.
“Self-reflection and regrets are the first step to growth” – My worldview as Top Star
Even after I started being able to ask the junior actresses to take care of my needs, I still thought once in a while that perhaps I wasn’t very suited to being Top Star, since I was bad at putting myself forward to take the lead. ‘What actually is the lead performer’s role and responsibility?’ ‘Maybe I’d shine more in a supporting role?’ I worried sometimes. It’s not only the star who makes a show good or bad, and I wanted everyone involved in the show to feel like what they did was valuable and feel satisfied. Ever since I had been performing in side roles, I had felt like no matter how much the star tries their best they can’t make the show complete on their own.
No matter if they’re in the center or off to the very edge of the stage, they’re all professional stage performers who are paid to make dreams come true, so they should all always feel confident and sparkle. It wasn’t because I wanted to run from pressure and responsibility, but I was always thinking about what I could do as Top Star to make sure everyone felt ‘this stage production is created by everyone’ as a foundation.
Since I understood that the way a Top Star did things could change the whole atmosphere in rehearsals, I took care not to try to carry everything and push myself too hard. Even when I was tired I tried to be even more cheerful. At times it’s necessary to feel some nervousness, but I ｗanted to make sure I created an environment that was as comfortable for rehearsing as possible. If you build up unnecessary barriers in the process of trying to create something together, that will show up on stage, and the environment will become strained and prevent you from giving a performance that’s true to yourself.
“A rehearsal where you can feel the fun of acting” doesn’t equal “a rehearsal where nobody stops laughing”; rather I wanted to make sure the feeling of the rehearsal space allowed everyone to interact openly and actively without feeling overshadowed. While considering that, I observed each of the junior actresses for their own unique aspects, and aimed to encourage their individual style. I always felt uncomfortable with putting on affectations, so this felt like a comfortable way of handling things.
However, if a Top Star does too much, her Second Supporting Star and the other girls directly under her won’t be able to grow. Of course if there’s something you can’t let pass, or an error, I would point it out, or if they came to me for advice I’d make sure to answer thoroughly. But if I kept doing that all the time, it would just turn into me giving orders. Therefore, if there was something I was concerned about, first I would tell my Second Supporting Star Chie (Yuzuki Reon) about it, and have her tell the girls under her, so it ended up as a kind of relay system.
Personally, I would have preferred to look after the junior actresses more, and speak to them directly, but I spent every day controlling those feelings. I also didn’t want the musumeyaku who performed as my partner to lose her own individuality, so I took care to always start out with letting her act things out freely the way she thought they should be. After continual trial and error, I was able to think that the troupe I was Top of was the best; that was a really happy moment for me.
Still, even though I’d become Top Star, I can’t say that I was better than everyone else. Everyone who has ever become Top is amazing, and there were so many girls bursting with talent among the junior actresses. In an environment where I was surrounded by so many incredible people, it was actually very difficult to think of myself as special. Even now there are things I am not satisfied with in myself, and I think if I ever became satisfied everything would be over. Reflections and regrets over things I wish I had done differently in the past are chances for me to grow more as a person.
Starting from the moment I became Top, I was already considering when would be the best time for me to leave the Takarazuka stage. In my heart, I felt strongly that the best timing for me to quit Takarazuka would be once my Second Supporting Star had grown enough.
When I was told about THE SCARLET PIMPERNEL, based on the Broadway musical, I felt like that would be my masterpiece, and if I was being given the chance to do that perhaps that was the best opportunity for me to retire.
Imagining retiring and having to leave my colleagues and the place I’d been for so long made me terribly lonely. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t afraid to part with the huge ‘home’ that had protected me for all this time. However, I understood that Takarazuka was its own unique world. I didn’t want to test my skill only within its boundaries, I wanted to pursue my own abilities even more in the wide outside world. I think that feeling took root in me without me even noticing. I also felt a sense of completion in Takarazuka, so much that I could say I had no lingering desires. When I came down the Grand Stairs for the last time, I felt like I had done everything, and despite the weight of the Top Star feathers, I felt like by doing this a weight had been lifted off my shoulders: I had fulfilled the dreams of everyone who had supported me, and I felt like I could finally go back to being myself.