Mori Keaki published this essay book the month before her retirement as Top Star of Snow Troupe. It is mainly a memoir of her personal journey in Takarazuka, as well as her early life. Her writing\/formatting style is kind of unique, and I tried to reproduce or reflect it as much as possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s a really lovely book, that ended up making me cry many times. I hope you enjoy it!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For a table of contents with links to all the chapters,\u00a0go here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
I always want to convey these feelings<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n I need to apologize all of a sudden.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I wonder if I\u2019m a selfish person\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n While writing these essays, I\u2019ve felt like my head has cleared a lot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In general, since I\u2019m a Takarazuka student, I\u2019ve lived a very active lifestyle, you see.<\/p>\n\n\n\n After getting through each painful (!?) and extremely busy day,<\/p>\n\n\n\n As for looking back on my life more objectively,<\/p>\n\n\n\n I was always feeling,<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI don\u2019t have any time for that!! I have today\u2019s performance!! Tomorrow\u2019s rehearsal!!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n But now that I\u2019m writing like this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018I\u2019ve never had any composure at all, even when I was little\u2026\u2019 I think.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I was always thinking \u201cMore, more. Keep going, keep going. What\u2019s coming next!?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Once I encountered something, I would focus only on that with all my might.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But then once I realized that, at the same time I would start searching for \u201cIs there anything else new!?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n So, that\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Seemed to be totally normal and natural behaviour to me, but sometimes things would happen that would make all the people around me think \u201cShe\u2019s a bit out of touch, isn\u2019t she?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n For example, in Takarazuka, a famous (!!) anecdote that keeps going around (apparently) is the Mori Keaki Kimono Incident.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This happened after I had entered Takarazuka.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In Takarazuka, even once you enter the theatre as a student, until you reach Ken-5, there are mandatory yearly exams.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Even if you graduated from the Takarazuka Music School and entered the company in first place in your class, if you slack off, depending on the results of the exams, your first-place status will quickly vanish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Although luckily (!?) I had graduated in 7th place in my class, to be honest, since I had always been a lower-level student in voice and ballet, the exams after entering Takarazuka made me awfully nervous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018If it\u2019s bad, it\u2019s bad. But still\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n I just had to put in all the effort I could, I thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And, just as in all the previous examples: I was totally straightforward!! And earnest!! And completely focused on the wrong thing!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n For my song in the voice exam, I had chosen the theme song from the Shinsengumi musical Man of Starlight<\/em>, in which Migiwa Natsuko had performed the lead role.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018I\u2019m going to be singing a song from Ogita Souji\u2019s story\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n I decided I should get totally into the feeling of it!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018I know. I\u2019ll go wearing a kimono.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n So, I went to the exam wearing a kimono.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And when I got there\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWe\u2019ve never had anyone dress in-character for the role of their examination song!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I made a great hit with the teachers\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNext year, will you come wearing a black tailcoat?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n They asked me\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Senior students were gathering outside the windows of the examination classroom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat\u2019s going on here!? What a funny little ken-1!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWho is she, who is she!?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAh~, she\u2019s in kimono~!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n There ended up being quite the fuss.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I just went on as if nothing was happening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But, it felt like I was a bit out of place\u2026you see.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I think I had a lot of experiences like that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018If I\u2019m doing that, I might as well do this too!!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ve always been the type to think and do that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Also, once I would think to myself \u201cYeah!!\u201d I\u2019d push on dead ahead without hesitating!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Even though sometimes I would be laughed at, or make really obvious mistakes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Or though I was told so many times \u201cYou don\u2019t have to go so far!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Am I selfish\u2026?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2026may be so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But, now I think I can say, that being selfish isn\u2019t a bad thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I don\u2019t mean the kind of \u2018selfishness\u2019 that leads someone to steal something from another person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But thinking of yourself, and being absorbed in yourself, the \u2018selfishness\u2019 that comes from that, in the end, I think is like \u2018good selfishness\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Usually, at those times, one is so caught up in working hard that they don\u2019t realize at all that they\u2019re being more \u2018self-absorbed\u2019 than normal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The only people who say \u2018they\u2019re so self-absorbed!\u2019 are the people around you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It takes getting through a few different stages before you can understand,<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018Oh, there were people who saw it that way\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n Personally,<\/p>\n\n\n\n If I were to run into the ken-2 or ken-3 \u2018Mori Keaki\u2019 now,<\/p>\n\n\n\n I might think,<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018What a selfish girl, she always has to do everything herself, and doesn\u2019t have any composure at all.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n But that\u2019s probably because I can understand her way of doing things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018If that\u2019s what you feel is right, go ahead and do it. Even though you might mess up.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019d whisper in my heart, with a gentle smile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018If you will take responsibility for your words and actions, then that\u2019s alright.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2026guess.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s how I\u2019m looking at the junior actresses from the standing of a senior actress\u2026or a Top Star.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When I\u2019m in that position and situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sometimes if a girl is half-heartedly seeming to save up her energy,<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ll honestly end up thinking,<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2018That\u2019s so frustrating!!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n I feel like this is the same for all kinds of work, but if you have to explain to the audience afterwards, \u201cI was meaning to do this and that kind of thing, but\u2026\u201d it\u2019s basically the same as saying that that during the most important time, you weren\u2019t able to convey your feelings properly, I think.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s not restricted to the stage, or to Takarazuka\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s what I think, anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What do you think, everyone?<\/p>\n\n\n\n As for me\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Yeah. I think I want to keep up this \u2018good selfishness\u2019 as I go on, for the rest of my life\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Oh, but,<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ll do my best to try not to be a bother to other people\u2026of course!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ah-ha-ha!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Mori Keaki published this essay book the month before her retirement as Top Star of Snow Troupe. It is mainly a memoir of her personal journey in Takarazuka, as well as her early life. Her writing\/formatting style is kind of … Continue reading